It's Saturday Centus, and my good friend Jenny has thrown us a whole new curve. This week's prompt takes the form of a picture, and we must focus on the use of sensory details to bring its 100-word story to life. Quite a challenge!
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Past Imperfect
©2011 Susan Noyes Anderson
The vine was long gone, another victim of time and neglect, but honeyed scent engulfed him just the same...creeping wisteria...the sweet, seductive kind that leaves a subtle hint of pepper on your tongue. A warning.
How could a child have known? He had. Snakelike, those stealthy tendrils trailed along the rough, red bricks...reared up and wrapped their purple petals round the house. He'd always felt trapped there.
A crow shrieked and the old man lurched away; his shadow must not cross that porch. Nonsense! The trap was sprung. Grandma was there no more.
But memory had tendrils of her own.
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28 comments:
Love that last line!
Yikes... I'm creeped out (great job!)
So vividly written. I wish I knew what the story was behind this, ha.
You really pulled me into this one. What is the rest of the story? (I feel like a kid begging to finish the bedtime story.)
oh wow you brought a whole story out of that pic and in just 100 words...the trap already sprung...yikes....
Now I'm afraid of Grandma too - whoever she was!
Concise and entertaining too!
Amazing sense of eeriness, you led me through the tangled web of your descriptive words....and now I hope for more deep answers to unfold! Thanks!
Such description! I'll be thinking about this snippet the rest of the day.
(I never did like tendrils)
This is really powerful and layered with meaning, Sue. I love the sensory details too.
xoRobyn
Loved this!!
This time I just really looked at the picture for awhile and tried to think of what Sue would come up with. You surprise me every time!
I looked at the pic and thought...what a crummy house..you looked at it and found so much to say, entertain, and spell bind us! Thanks!
Love it! Colorful!!
SUPER! Your reader FEELS those confining ropes of vine...of memories!
I have my memories too. The house is gone but the foundation and slab is still there. Sometimes I go and sit on it and remember.~Ames
This was really scary. You made me jump.
I loved this. and kind of want to take a swing at the grandma.
That house certainly has a tale to tell!
All I can say is that you are amazing and have a way with words. You are so talented; and I love reading whatever you write.
Blessings to you and I loved the short story.
Oooh, I like this! Was it supposed to be a little creepy? And yet romantic at the same time. Brilliant!
If I could write like this, it's all I would do. You paint such tangible pictures with your words. Amazing.
Sweet write!
I agree with Karen--you really pulled me into this one too-- and--I love your choice of descriptive words--" stealthy tendrils"...
SUPER cool, Sue. Excellent job!
p.s. I am amazed how you can pull ALL of that from the picture! What a descriptive imagination you have! You are an amazing, writer Sue.
This is really great writing. The creepy feeling gets to you and the last line packed a punch.
OooOoo - you must go on . . .
:D
Kristin
Geez, Sue.
Geez.
Wow.
You really pulled me into this one...it was total genius.
Geez.
(PS. I'm only using the word Geez because I figure you're sick of reading the word 'Wow' from me!)
Geez.
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