Saturday, October 15, 2011

Past Imperfect


It's Saturday Centus, and my good friend Jenny has thrown us a whole new curve. This week's prompt takes the form of a picture, and we must focus on the use of sensory details to bring its 100-word story to life. Quite a challenge!

∞§∞


Past Imperfect
©2011 Susan Noyes Anderson

The vine was long gone, another victim of time and neglect, but honeyed scent engulfed him just the same...creeping wisteria...the sweet, seductive kind that leaves a subtle hint of pepper on your tongue. A warning.

How could a child have known? He had. Snakelike, those stealthy tendrils trailed along the rough, red bricks...reared up and wrapped their purple petals round the house. He'd always felt trapped there.

A crow shrieked and the old man lurched away; his shadow must not cross that porch. Nonsense! The trap was sprung. Grandma was there no more.

But memory had tendrils of her own.

∞§∞

31 comments:

Eva Gallant said...

Love that last line!

Koby said...

Yikes... I'm creeped out (great job!)

Viki said...

So vividly written. I wish I knew what the story was behind this, ha.

karen said...

You really pulled me into this one. What is the rest of the story? (I feel like a kid begging to finish the bedtime story.)

Brian Miller said...

oh wow you brought a whole story out of that pic and in just 100 words...the trap already sprung...yikes....

RobinfromCA said...

Now I'm afraid of Grandma too - whoever she was!

Karen Mortensen said...

Cool.

EG Wow said...

Concise and entertaining too!

Karen S. said...

Amazing sense of eeriness, you led me through the tangled web of your descriptive words....and now I hope for more deep answers to unfold! Thanks!

Connie said...

Such description! I'll be thinking about this snippet the rest of the day.

(I never did like tendrils)

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

This is really powerful and layered with meaning, Sue. I love the sensory details too.
xoRobyn

Mary Elizabeth said...

Loved this!!

Grandma Honey said...

This time I just really looked at the picture for awhile and tried to think of what Sue would come up with. You surprise me every time!

Gail said...

Fantastic job!

yaya said...

I looked at the pic and thought...what a crummy house..you looked at it and found so much to say, entertain, and spell bind us! Thanks!

anitamombanita said...

Love it! Colorful!!

Bookie said...

SUPER! Your reader FEELS those confining ropes of vine...of memories!

Ames said...

I have my memories too. The house is gone but the foundation and slab is still there. Sometimes I go and sit on it and remember.~Ames

JDaniel4's Mom said...

This was really scary. You made me jump.

Dazee Dreamer said...

I loved this. and kind of want to take a swing at the grandma.

♥~Judy~♥ said...

That house certainly has a tale to tell!

LeAnn said...

All I can say is that you are amazing and have a way with words. You are so talented; and I love reading whatever you write.
Blessings to you and I loved the short story.

Amy said...

Oooh, I like this! Was it supposed to be a little creepy? And yet romantic at the same time. Brilliant!

PⒿ @ $ € € ₦$ ₣®0₥... said...

If I could write like this, it's all I would do. You paint such tangible pictures with your words. Amazing.

Cheryl said...

Sweet write!

Caroline said...

I agree with Karen--you really pulled me into this one too-- and--I love your choice of descriptive words--" stealthy tendrils"...

SUPER cool, Sue. Excellent job!

Caroline said...

p.s. I am amazed how you can pull ALL of that from the picture! What a descriptive imagination you have! You are an amazing, writer Sue.

Reka Sang said...

This is really great writing. The creepy feeling gets to you and the last line packed a punch.

Kristin said...

OooOoo - you must go on . . .

:D

Kristin

Tina´s PicStory said...

nice pic :)

Jenny said...

Geez, Sue.

Geez.

Wow.

You really pulled me into this one...it was total genius.

Geez.

(PS. I'm only using the word Geez because I figure you're sick of reading the word 'Wow' from me!)

Geez.

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