Wednesday, February 17, 2010

And Their Love Will Go On and On...

THE LOVE LETTERS, including writers and recipients.
(In other words, the answers!)
Whose Valentine Letter Is This, Anyway?
(©2010 Susan Noyes Anderson, All Rights Reserved)

1. Dear Valentine-

Where have you been all my life, and for that matter, where are you now? And will you still love me tomorrow? Or did you even love me yesterday, and if so, why have you whisked yourself away from me leaving only sweet memories and a small, sparkling souvenir? Did my ardor frighten you, my sweet? For I daresay it frightens me. This desperate, no, obsessive need to find and at last possess you is nothing like the state of mind I’m used to. And though I’ve got the kingdom at my feet, I swear I’ve never fancied shoes at all, though now it seems I rival Imelda Marcos herself in terms of interest.

In hopes that I may soon throw myself at your feet,
Your Sensitive Stalker


2. Dear Valentine-

I wonder if you can even begin to know how much you’ve changed my life. I wouldn’t hesitate to follow you to the ends of the earth…and I have. You’ve turned my whole life upside-down from the very day I met you, and I like it. Sure, a coupla people got hurt along the way, but love is love…passion is passion…and parenthood is my favorite pastime. You’ve even taught me to love tattoos, my darling. Lots and lots of them. But I’m glad you’ve left your vampire tendencies behind you. Hey, I don’t even like giving blood. (It freaks me out when the nurses swoon.) And besides, I’ve already done the movie.

Yours forever (or at least, for now),
Pretty Boy


3. Dear Valentine-

Come to me, my heartbreakingly handsome hunk of happiness, hugs, and kisses. Take me in your short but shockingly powerful arms and prove once and for always that you are and forever will be mine––and mine all mine––alone. Promise me that you will be the prince of my diva dreams, the sweetest prince a porcine princess ever had or hoped for, the prince of every little and big and even bigger thing my heart desires. Oh, Princey-Poo. My heart desires so much, so very, very much, and all because of you, my darling dummy.

Ever so earnestly and exquisitely yours,
Miss Tery Miss


4. Dear Valentine-

We’ve always belonged together, my love, and everyone who knows us would agree. That’s why I can’t believe that you would ever decide to take your affections elsewhere, especially for such superficial reasons. You say that I already have everything I need, but everything I have means nothing at all if I don’t have you. Where would I be without my beautiful, blond boyfriend? Who would drive me around in my passionate pink car? Or live with me in my utterly divine dream house? And what do you mean you don’t think you could keep me in the manner to which I’ve become accustomed? I wouldn’t expect you to bankroll my wardrobe. To tell you the truth, most of the clothes I wear are gifts from friends. So stop worrying, sweet man of mine, and come home to your perfect mate.

With oodles of love from
Your Dream Girl


5. Dear Valentine-

Of course I love you, sweetheart, you know I do, but I’m honestly not certain I can go on like this. Forever is a very long time, and unfortunately, we’ve got enough problems to last at least that long. Don’t get me wrong, I’m willing to try, but you’ve got to do your part, too. Let’s face it, dear, it isn’t easy living with someone who does things like giving me gifts I can’t afford to accept, tempting me with foods I shouldn’t eat, and taking advice from strangers. To say nothing of getting us kicked out of our old place because you ignored the landlord’s rules one time too often. Maybe if you could just concentrate on teaching our boys to get along better, we could have some peace and quiet at home.

Still hoping we can make a go of this,
Your Scrupulous Spouse


6. Dear Valentine-

Today’s the day I’m risking everything…revealing how I really feel for you. Can you imagine how I’ve longed to hold you––the strong and savvy woman of my dreams? Though I have never dared to breathe a word, surely you must have sensed my quiet love, in all those hours and days we spent together. Whom do you turn to when your heart is heavy, when life becomes a burden you must share? Can such a bond as ours be named mere friendship? Can you not see that plain old me could soar above the clouds if you were mine? Or find the strength to do most anything? Please look at me with eyes of love and see me. I want to be the hero of your dreams, and fly you to the moon or anywhere.

In hopes that you can return my love at last,
Your FWOP (friend without privileges)


7. Dear Valentine, Dear Valentine, Dear Valentine, Dear Valentine, Dear Valentine, Dear Valentine, Dear Valentine, Dear Valentine, Dear Valentine, Dear Valentine, Dear Valentine, Dear Valentine, Dear Valentine, Dear Valentine, Dear Valentine, Dear Valentine, Dear Valentine, Dear Valentine, Dear Valentine, Dear Valentine, Dear Valentine ,Dear Valentine, Dear Valentine, Dear Valentine, Dear Valentine, Dear Valentine, Dear Valentine, Dear Valentine, Dear Valentine, Dear Valentine, Dear Valentine, Dear Valentine, Dear Valentine, Dear Valentine, Dear Valentine, Dear Valentine, Dear Valentine, Dear Valentine, Dear Valentine, Dear Valentine…

With love from
Your Richly Blessed and Rather Burdened Husband


8. Dear Valentine-

I’d like to tell you how much I admire you, but any words that I might say would pale beside the words you tell yourself. My unflinching devotion to your talents, impressive as they are, cannot compare with your appreciation for the gifts and glory that are yours. And yet, I do want you to know that, even after all these years, I find you quite the peak of male perfection. Your tall and slender image are the calling card of sleek sophistication, and every honeyed word bespeaks intelligence and understated grace. Can I be all the things you need from me?…the woman who will walk tall right beside you, yet ever in your shadow somehow be? Oh, yes I can. Yes, I can!

Your Always Proud and yet Pragmatic Partner


9. Dear Valentine-

If I were not so vulgar, I would say that you’re the ageless goddess of a young man’s aching, lonely dreams. My heart’s pursuit. And then, I’d toot. But be that as it may, it’s true that everything you say and do delights me. It kinda frights me. But hey, that’s cool. I ain’t no fool. Cuz even though your skin’s no longer supple with the dewy film of youth, you’re hot. It’s truth! And I’m uncouth. And yet, I know I rock your boat, while you alone can make mine float. Who ever knew? I’m stuck on you. And I just hope you’re stuck on me and stay that way no matter what a punk I be. My heart. Your key.

From your very own
Cougar Lovin’ Man


And the winner is Karen from Still Crazy After All These Years, Congrats, Karen! The CD will soon be on its way!!
(I should also give a shout out to the winning singles ward team from last night. They got 8 of the 9 correct. Pretty good.)


Elaine said...

Hahahahahaha, these were SOOOO funny!

Don't forget to enter to win a tankini of your choice!

KC Mom said...

Those are awesome! I don't even think I got one right but when I read them I ahhhh-haaaad!

Jill said...

I don't think I could have guessed any of those! Cute game though...but I'm sure it works better for people smarter than me.

Jess said...

So So funny Sue! sad I missed it the first day- but still insanely amused today.

Darlene said...

Well, at least I got my four and a half right. I got Miss Piggy, but I couldn't for the life of me think of Kermit. I've been away from Sesame street too long. Pretty fun game though and I'm impressed with the young singles for getting all but one right. And I'm totally amazed at the gal that got all of them!

VK said...

I would've had to really put on my smart cap to figure these all out. Very Cute.

Anonymous said...

This might be my favorite post! Hope you don't mind that I posted it to our facebook page.

Anonymous said...

the link that is :)

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