Thursday, February 4, 2010

Finding Your Spiritual Mate is Great!


Last Sunday, my husband and I were asked by the young adults in his ward to say a few words at the close of a meeting they had organized on the subject of dating with the idea of finding your spiritual mate. Based upon answers to a survey filled out the week before, the leaders pulled off a great discussion, and I think a lot of feelings and issues got aired. Some may even have been resolved. :)

For my portion of the program, I decided to go with a poem (surprise, surprise). I'm posting it here so the people who asked for a copy can access it easily. Of course, any others who'd like to use it with young adults are welcome to do so, as long as you keep the copyright information intact. I won't be posting it on my poetry website, so if you're interested, this is the venue.

How to Date Your Spiritual Mate
©2010 Susan Noyes Anderson

I hope you’ll listen to my take
on how to find a mate.
My vision is unique and wise.
My counsel is first-rate.

I know what works and what does not.
I know what’s tried and true.
(And if you don’t believe me, look
at who I’m married to!)

And so, with that strong evidence
of my own expertise,
I’ll tell you how to find a mate
that’s guaranteed to please.

But first, I think that I’ll begin
with this: What NOT to do.
Or maybe I should say what not
to pay attention to.

Some people look with worldly eyes
to find their perfect match.
Not good! This method just might make
you miss out on a catch!

The worldly eye’s a stink-eye;
it’s obsessed with imperfections.
From head to toe and back, it scouts out
reasons for rejections.

That dude’s not hot enough for you…
That chick’s too short, too tall.
That guy’s too round, too dark, too pale,
too big, too bald, too small.

That girl’s too freckle-faced, too white,
too tan, too thin, too plump.
And what’s that on her face…a mole?!
Does her nose have…a bump?!

His jaw’s too strong; his jaw’s too weak;
his chin could use a cleft.
And look at her…I think her right eye’s
bigger than her left!

His mouth’s too wide; his lips get chapped;
his cheeks are way too red.
I couldn’t date him. Look, a vein
sticks out in his forehead!

Is that a beauty mark or zit?
Hey, this could be genetic!
Why couldn’t she have dimples?
Is her hair kinda…frenetic?

I kid you not! That worldly eye
is way too harsh. It’s true!
If you could turn it on yourself,
that eye would rule out YOU!

So think about consulting with
your spirit eyes instead.
Look for your spirit mate when you’re
deciding who to wed.

You’ll recognize this spirit mate,
but not by how he looks.
You likely won’t hear magic bells
or swoon like story books.

You may not turn first hot, then cold,
then lose your power to speak.
You may not even float on clouds,
faint dead away, or shriek.

What you will do is find a friend,
who finds a friend in you.
You’ll talk a lot and share a lot.
You’ll like his point of view.

Your goals will be as similar
as the beliefs you hold.
With her, you’ll neither be too shy
nor need to be too bold.

You’ll feel at home in your own skin,
not one-down or one-up.
You’ll want to make him happy, and
he’ll want to fill your cup.

You’ll find yourself more generous,
less governed by your pride.
You’ll listen more, feel more respect,
and lose your selfish side.

You’ll notice that, together, you
are better than apart.
You’ll trust each other with your dreams
and later, with your heart.

Don’t give that heart away too soon;
trust ought to take some time.
You need to see how this gal works.
Do mountains make her climb?...

Or sit down and give up, or
run away, or lean on you?
You’ll make sure she’s committed
to her faith and to you, too.

(Not the band, the person, meaning
"you, too," not U2.)
The thing is, just be sure she’ll hang.
Make sure he’s tried and true.

You’ll find in him a listener
who cares just how you feel.
You’ll watch him serving others, and
you’ll know his love is real.

You’ll make sure that your backgrounds gel
on things that really count.
Like how to raise a family…
How to use your bank account.

You’ll understand each other, and
accept the things you see.
You won’t expect her to be more
than you’re willing to be.

And yet you’ll want to be your best…
Hey, why not start that now?
What better way could you prepare
to take a solemn vow?

The person you attract is bound
to be a lot like you.
So strive to be more faithful, kind,
wise, fun, and healthy, too!

Sure, make yourself desirable
in every way you can;
it's only going to help you find
that woman or that man.

But seek your spirit mate; don’t
trophy date, because the prize
is someone you can only see
through your spiritual eyes.

Good looks are fun, but fleeting…
like tinsel on a tree.
But goodness lasts forever.
Choose well, for eternity.

17 comments:

Momza said...

very good advice there...it's so true too. The older I get, the more I see that my partner in life makes me the best me.

Karen said...

Wonderful! You hit the nail on the head!! Hopefully they take this expert advice.

Thanks for sharing.

jen said...

This was interesting reading for me, in my current state of preparation and change and all.
First, I began reading through my own experience, and saw how true it was for me and Brad. Then, it changed to comments Heidi has made to me about Sam and their relationship and how it's developed. And she has followed your advice to the letter (aside from maybe going fast, but that's not really my choice, right?). And they are doing things exactly as they should.
And now, I am finally in a place of joy about the whole thing.
Thanks for the post. I'm going to send her over here to read it!

Lisalulu said...

this would be great with the YW too. and hope they read and re-read this!!!

VK said...

Very adorable and true poetry there.

karen said...

I'm going to show your poem to my friends, who are the YSA advisors in our ward. They'll love it! Good advice, and always true.

Katie Blacker said...

I love this poem Sue! I will have to use it sometime - for my young women (and brothers too!)

...i did not intend that to rhyme. But i love that you pointed out that true love is about wanting to make each other happy - not all the superficial stuff.

Jess said...

Such good advise, no wonder they have you working with the YSAs. I might use it for my YW lesson in may-copyright in tact of course!

Fiauna said...

"Trophy date". I love it. I think when we're young and dating to find marriage we fail to understand just how long life is. And eternity, well forget about it. If we only focus on the worldy things--money, looks etc.--we just won't last the long haul. Because, let's face it, those things sure don't.

Excellent poem, Sue.

KC Mom said...

That was awesome! I know of a couple of young adult girls that really need to hear this!
"Trophy" dating...ha! That leads to trophy marriages...nice looking on the outside, not so nice on the inside.

Nikia, May and da kids said...

That is a GREAT poem Sue and i can see a smidgen of why they wanted your input = )

I love it!

May

Katie said...

Great Poem Sue! It was all so true...haha, I just rhymed!

Jill said...

Wow, that really sums it all up. And in a poem, no less.

Just ME the MOM said...

Totally fantastic! We're very partial to singles wards around here lately!!

Kristin

Mom and Sarah said...

That poem is amazing! Good job Sue...definitely in my files for future use! Thanks for sharing your talent. Lisa in IL

Darlene said...

Amazing poem, Sue. I hope that Ryan read it. I am beginning to wonder if he will ever find his one and only.

Dick was going to give this to our youth leaders. He isn't here right now or I would ask him if he did.

I would have loved to have heard you read this. You read poetry so well.

Needless to say, Dick and I both thought it was terrific and such a good message for our youth (and some adults). I think they are way too picky. They want someone who is absolutely perfect, which of course noone is.

Why is it that our young people are waiting until they are pretty old to get married? When I was young, if you were not married by the time you were 21, people thought that there was something wrong with you.

Anyway, this was a great post, and what a good way to give a talk they all needed.

Jenni said...

This is so true. It's consistent with my own experience. I read it to the teen that is living with us right now. What a fun format in which to share valuable advice and experience!

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