Thursday, January 20, 2011

Ouch!

There is a certain brand of elation (bordering on exultation) that comes but once a year, at the conclusion of the universally dreaded and oft-postponed annual mammogram.

Let's face it. Breasts were never intended to be lifted, stretched, scrunched, smashed, and nearly detached from the chest wall. Especially by another woman! Where's all that "I bloat, bleed, and give birth, too" sisterhood when you really need it? Gone. Vanished, like our pre-mammogram innocence. (And with it goes the not unreasonable assumption that our most vulnerable and tender appendages will always be safe within our purview and protection.)

Hey, those suckers belong to us, right? (Sorry. Poor word choice.) But seriously, isn't it enough that our babies get to do their utmost to drag 'em down to our knees? Now we have to hand the soon-to-be-flattened set over to the evil mistress of the mammogram machine. Whatever happened to the concept of sovereign domain, anyway? Do we really have to let Terri the technician have her way with us?

Of course, we all know the answer. It's a resounding YES!

But we don't have to like it...

;)

SUE'S MAMMOGRAM COMPLETE - 01/19/11
Care to join me?

For more O posts, click below.

51 comments:

Joyful Noise said...

Suckers! Ha! Absolutely Hilarious!! Just passed mine - ouch!

RedTedArt said...

Well done on the completion of your tests! Ouch or no ouch! Great ode to, erm, our suckers....

Maggy

Renegades said...

Ouch is right. I compare it to having your boob put in a vice grip.

LOL I love having the tecnician have her way with you. My respose after mine is I let a stranger get to second without even buying me dinner.

Great post.

Cheryl said...

You can take your tongue out of your cheek now. Great way to get a message across, Sue.

Since I'm boobless, it's the ribcage bruising I dread the most. If the tech pulls me any closer to the machine I know she's gonna break a rib.

Happier Than a Pig in Mud said...

Not a fun time, aways glad when it's over:@)

Kim said...

Haha Great post. I got "squished" in November. And I agree - those puppies were never intended to be paper thin! Sheesh....And to make matters worse I got called back for a re-do and they squished them 4 more times. (But all is good now - just a scare)

Jocelyn Christensen said...

Not looking forward to joining you...at all! :) But a good reminder...

Laraine Eddington said...

Amen and ha ha sista.

JDaniel4's Mom said...

I dread this every year. It is never easy.

jen said...

Now that I'm almost done nursing, it's time to venture into this world.
But not until I'm sure I won't squirt the tech!

Dixie Mom said...

Way to set the example Sue! Yes, yes...we must, we must, we must go squeeze our bust?
Sorry, that was bad.

★Mumsy★ said...

Absolutely fantastic, for getting the test done, and for a great post, Sue!

Wendy said...

Good for you to go and getter done! I'm not there as of yet. Something to look forward to, uh?

Just ME the MOM said...

You have inspired me! I've been procrastinating for many months now, getting on the phone now to schedule!

Kristin

Lisalulu said...

yes, I have mine on Monday, think I'll just close the refrigerator door on them to help toughen them up!

BECKY said...

Hilarious, Sue!! And I've been using the same terminology for years, as Renegades! It's like having it squeezed in a vice! Yeeeouch! But thank goodness it's over quickly! I love it when the tech says, "Hold your breath." I always want to say, "I couldn't breathe if I wanted to!"

gabe said...

Oh Sue, I am almost to that dreaded age when I will also have to go do that dreaded path. . .I have heard many horror stories, but none have been quite as eloquent as yours.

Now, I can dread the dentist and the Terri the technichan!

anitamombanita said...

LMFHO...laughing my fool head off...

BEAR's Mom said...

Oh Sue this was funny
but you've reminded me
that i'm getting squished
in February...
the girls are already
starting to hurt just
thinking about it :(
~victoria~

Jenny said...

If you can, try the digital ones...sooooo much better!

Great post! Glad you're done and it's all good!

Brian Miller said...

um...ok, glad its over...lol...yeah i have a man exam coming up...so not looking forward to...

Mumsy said...

What better way to get a message across than with humor. It's a huge ouch for me when they squeeze 'em with that flatten machine, don't like it at all! Hugs

Tracy said...

Oh you make me laugh - but good for you for going and for reminding us how important it is to check our boobies. Saggy boobies even.
xoxo,
tracy

Jess said...

All in the name of saving the tata's!

Lisa Loo said...

wish I could find some words.....

Gattina said...

It's a bad necessity that our female signs are pressed flat like a pancake !

Grandma Honey said...

It's the best feeling walking out of there with a clean report!

PERMANENT POSIES said...

First, let me say that I am sorry for your loss. The funeral pics were really good. (Can I say that?) I love the treasure chest comment.
Second, on another note, I had these great experiences with Mammograms for several years. I didn't understand why the complaint of pain until this past year. I went to someone new. OMG! She killed me! I guess there is a technique and I will never go whoring around on Mammogram technicians again. (Can I say that too?)

Rocky Mountain Woman said...

I nearly passed out at my last mammogram it hurt so bad. Maybe I need to go "whoring" around to find a new technician!

Darlene said...

Oh my gosh Sue, this is the funniest take I have ever read on mammograms. It was almost worth getting out of my chair/bed for. I actually laughed out loud so hard it hurt my chest and I starting coughing. Oh well, it was worth it.

Brenda said...

Cute post Sue! And how true.

yaya said...

Sue,I ran down to the "mammo" room during my work day to get mine done...slipped out of scrubs...wiped off all my deodorant, put on the stupid little gown/shirt, took a deep breath, said hi to someone who I see almost everyday with my clothes on, took a deep breath and then, can we could talk about those "pasties" they slap on the nipples? Now that's an OUCH..especially when you think you're done, get dressed again, put on more deodorant and then the tech comes in and says.."Umm..let's do the left one again"...Are you kidding me? Thankfully the pain is forgotten when the letter arrives that says: "ALL CLEAR"..I love being a woman.

Nancy said...

Just a thought....wonder why men don't do the mammograms and women do the other end of our posterior? Better yet, a little happy gas for both!

paige said...

Oh dear. I hate those. Love this post, though!

Karen Mortensen said...

That was way too funny. I hate getting those but it is something we must do. At least they could give us a little message while doing it or something.

karen said...

Hahahaha...suckers... I'm overdue for mine and also my bone density. I'll have to take a day off and get it all done. For now sister, just let those girls hang out in a sports bra and be comfy.

Judie said...

My words on the subject far exceed "OUCH"-- they are "Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, and all the saints! If you don't get me out of this vice I will KILL YOU!"

Cherie said...

Good job Sue! I am a big believer in mammograms and I am late on mine. Got off track with my hysterectomey - ugh! The stuff us women have to go through.
I am grateful that they have these tests though as much as they push, pull and stretch!

myorii said...

Ouch indeed! I just finally scheduled a visit for a pap smear. I should've also made an appointment for a mammo too. Must remember when I go in to the clinic... Thanks for the reminder!

Stef said...

Haha ...Well said...I am assuming. I have yet to have had one. But you make it so tempting, I tell ya.

Ⓙ @ $ € € ₦$ ₣®0₥... said...

It's one of those things that is part of the hazing of women. There are so many others to add to the list......

Janis said...

Well said...that was hilarious! Getting ready to have mine...the last one wasn't so bad though...the new machine doesn't compress them as much. Yay!!!

Caroline of Salsa Pie said...

I am not looking forward to it!! And you are right--we have to go through all of that after nursing our little ones until the cows come home. Oh wait, in that case we ARE the cows! :))
This was cute. I think we women go through a lot! It's a great thing for friends and appreciative husbands!
:)

Vintagesouthernlife said...

Well said! I'm glad my is over with for another year.

Amy said...

I dread that day. I imagine it is much akin ti public beatings and humiliation.

5thsister said...

It's providential that I stopped by today. 2 weeks ago I found a pea sized lump in my breast. I finally have the diagnostic mammogram scheduled for the end of the month. I'm sure it's only my fibroid cysts flaring but one can never be too careful.

Jo said...

yeah ....i really dont going ... but it is a relief to actually know what is going on in there ...

H said...

What a great way to get your point across! Nice one :)

Em said...

i have yet to have the pleasure.

Farmer's Wyfe said...

Now that made me laugh! SOOO true! :)

michelle said...

I love this post, Sue.

And I echo all you have said. I found a lump last summer so I'm big on the blessing of mammograms, but I was blown away at how awful they were the first time I got one.

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