Friday, November 12, 2010
Remember how proud you all were of me last week (and the week before that) for doing my Christmas shopping early? I guess I was pretty proud of myself, too. Maybe I was even bragging...in the most restrained and gracious way, of course.
Remarks such as "Go, Sue" and "You rock!" were made, and I even sensed a certain amount of that "nice" kind of envy that isn't really a bad thing at all because you're not wishing you had whatever it is the other person has. (Heaven forbid!) You're only wishing that you had your own version of the same thing. See what I mean? More "wishful thinking" than "covetousness." And completely understandable, under the circumstances.
However, I want you to know (in the interest of full disclosure) that circumstances have changed. Drastically. At this point, even a small degree of envy for my completely Christmas-shopped situation is not appropriate at all. Why? Because I am miserable! Completely and in every way miserable. And, yes, I am going to bore you with the reasons. Every Single One of Them.
(There are a dozen, by the way.)
1. It's only November 12th, and I'm done Christmas shopping.
2. This does not compute.
3. So I keep Christmas shopping.
4. This does not compute.
5. Because now I am exceeding my budget.
6. This does not compute.
7. Because my husband is a CPA.
8. And he DOES compute. Everything.
9. Which means he will know how much I have spent.
10. And the merry Christmas I'm counting on may be a little less merry than it might otherwise be, had I exercised a little more restraint.
11. Meaning I am going back to the drawing board today to rethink a couple of my early purchases.
12. Let the returns begin!
And this was supposed to save me time and hassle?? Oh, the bitter irony of it all. I mean, which would you rather do, buy Christmas presents or return them?
(Besides, now the gifts are burning a hole in my pocket. I still have to wait 43 days to bestow them!!!)
How does Santa do it?
Okay, let's just state the obvious. I can take it if you can. My grand, get-done-shopping-before-Thanksgiving scheme has succeeded only in stretching out the entire gift-gathering process. In other words, I have created The Nightmare before Christmas. Recreated, that is. (Do you think that violates some kind of copyright law?) Hopefully not; I did use different media than Tim.
Cut me a break, Mr. Burton. I'm already in over my head here...
And it's only 42 shopping days till Christmas!
PS. Included here is my usual humor alert/disclaimer: I am mostly kidding with this one, but I AM making a few returns because I've either found a better deal or preferred something else that I found after the fact. And that IS a cautionary tale...