Saturday, August 28, 2010

The Liberation, Revisited


Saturday Centus has a whole new twist this week, an assignment instead of a prompt. We get to take one of our past stories (or someone else's) and add 100 new words to complete it. Cool, huh? So, part 1 is in red and today's Centus (part 2) is in black. I chose my own story, titled...

The Liberation

It felt good, being free. No more rising at the crack of dawn, no more sizzling sand patrols, no more watching my kid grow up via Skype and e-mail.

No more jonesing for his father, either. The relentless desert sun had burned those feelings out at last. Not an easy cure, but a welcome one.

The doorbell rang at 6:00, pick-up time. Some things never change, his punctuality among them. I opened the door, looking forward to this final liberation.

Our eyes locked. BAM. So much for the purging effects of war and heat. Objects in the rear view mirror are closer than they appear...

Feelings, too. Some things never change.

But some things do. Forever.

"Say good-bye to Mommy," I said carefully, leaning down for a kiss. Even the little good-byes were hard now.

"Bye, Mommy!" Bounding across the doorstep, he looked back at me with his father's eyes, minus the heat. "We're gonna catch real, live fish and eat 'em! But not their eyeballs."

I felt my lips curve involuntarily. Oh, how I'd missed him. Both of them.

He spoke as our son ran to the car.

“I never see her, Annie. Not for months. It’s over.”

“So are we,” I said, then shut the door against the aching plea caught in his eyes.

18 comments:

Cheryl said...

You captured something truly remarkable here. That final moment. Wow.

Viki said...

Oh but is it over really. I have a feeling it might not be, ha.

Jocelyn Christensen said...

Man, that was awesome! You are really an amazing writer! :)

Lourie said...

That was awesome!!!

Bookie said...

great final curtain!wifflo

RockiBottom said...

I am SO glad you chose this one to continue! I still want more though. ;)

Roger and LeAnn said...

That caught my attention. I want more. There has to be a sweet ending of course. You are a gifted writer. I also sensed hope between the lines.
Blessings to you for sharing this; it was thought provoking.

Tina said...

ouch i felt his pain and regret there, but seems like he deserved it!
great ending

karen said...

What are you doing to me here? That was sad - in so many ways. You're becoming a master at heartstring pulling. If you don't write a book, you should at least put together one of short stories.

Cherie said...

Wow! I was waiting for the story to go on. Good stuff Sue. Very gripping.

Darlene said...

I have never like stories that leave me hanging..........this one left me hanging the first time, and I am still hanging.......Oh well, I can't like them all, I guess.

michelle said...

Wow.

Susannah said...

Oooh, I liked this and got caught up in the tale. Loved the 'not going to eat the eyeballs'. :-)

Nice writing!


I write from prompts at -
http://panopticulated.blogspot.com/

Jess said...

I wondered ever since you wrote that post. And now I have my answer. You never cease to amaze me!

cj Schlottman said...

Sue, This is so raw and real. You made me feel the twist in your gut and the determination in your soul. Well done, as usual.

Thanks.........cj

Kat said...

This was fantastic Sue. You are able to capture such emotion with every word. And to be able to accomplish it in so few words leaves me humbled! Beautifully written. Kat

Tgoette said...

Loved this Sue! You packed a lot of emotion in 100 words! Great job!

Jenny said...

Sue.

Wow.

I read this.

Read this again.

And wondered how you told so much in a mere 200 words. This felt like so much more.

Thank you for linking.

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