Thursday, January 28, 2010

A "Grave" Matter

Okay, here's the thing. My husband and I are experiencing a rather odd difference of opinion...not quite an open argument, certainly not an active dispute, but verging on the kind of simmering disagreement that will eventually have to be addressed even though it seems wiser to avoid it completely.

One of the strangest things about this little matter is that neither of us is yet 60, so the issue really isn't all that pressing. For some reason, however, the subject of where we will eventually be buried seems to have reared its surprisingly controversial head...and it looks like both of us are going to have to use all of our diplomatic skills to arrive at a mutually satisfactory resolution. This will be made somewhat more difficult by the fact that my husband doesn't seem to know exactly where he wants to be buried; he only knows that he sort of has a feeling that it almost but not quite for sure isn't where I am thinking we should be buried.

The good news is that we do have one point of common ground: our desire to be planted in common ground. (Of course, that is also the bad news, since it requires deciding where that common ground should be.) Let's face it; the whole thing has a distinctly humorous side. In fact, the son who happened to be with us when this discussion first came up was clearly amused. I've gotten a chuckle or two out of it myself, but the plots are nearly sold out at my PRP (preferred resting place), so I'm in a bit of a hurry to close the deal. It's even occurred to me to request a plot (for both of us to be buried in) as my Valentine's Day present. What gift of love could be more fitting than a lovely spot in the nearest cemetery, just waiting to be shared? Ah, sweet romance.

Of course, my husband's fallback idea is to set up a National Park travel fund in his will, be cremated, then have our children split the ashes four ways and spread them throughout the entire National Park system.*

*If this ever becomes a real plan...I'm in.

Seriously, though...What could be nicer than this?!
(It all but screams "final resting place.")
Am I wrong?


Momza said...

We've had this conversation. I want my ashes spread at Garden of the Gods...the place where Mr Wonderful asked me to marry him. He says he'd like his to sprinkled in a canyon in Montana. Deal.
I don't need to have our ashes "co-mingling" anywhere...I'll have him for all of eternity.

Nikia, May and da kids said...

Oh how I have missed your blog!
Mine still won't update, but it will ... someday. Meanwhile ... I believe my husband and I are the only people in the country who are trying to donate our bodies to anyone when we die and spare our kids the expense and headache. I know you need to have that discussion in America on where to bury your dead and where the plot should be. I have watched many of the "non plan plans" during funerals blow up and start major arguments.

Good luck with that Sue but as long as you are with your "eternal" mate, you should be fine on where you are laid to rest. It is thoughtful for your kids that it gets taken care of.


Jill said...

I have never given this much thought which surprises me being I think just about everything else. I'm going to ask my husband tonight what he wants. Of course whoever dies first decides, and I've always left it at that. And of course we have the added conflict of my first husband and where he is buried. I'm not sure my present husband wants to be buried by him. Very confusing.

karen said...

We've never had that discussion either. I suppose we should. He thinks I should croak off first because otherwise I would hunch over the sink in the kitchen nibbling blocks of cheese for a meal. (Not true. I don't cook now because he DOES.) I think he should go first because, as I told him, I can then get a small dog to go with me everywhere in a large purse, and it can lay it's head on his pillow at night. (Grosses him out.) So then we laugh, and nothing is ever decided. We need to change that, I guess, and get serious.

Em said...

definitely beautiful. i just had this conversation with my mom. she wants to be cremated. i'm actually relieved b/c the woman has never wanted to stay anywhere for too long.

jen said...

This was definitely NOT what I was expecting from the opening paragraph.
Draw straws, and whoever is most upset should get their way.
That's how I usually make up my mind between two things--if I'm disappointed with the choice I choose, I know the other one's the right one.
If he doesn't really care when you draw his choice, then you win!

Connie said...

Hi Sue,
I saw that you commented on my blog about the sign I did for Dawn at Momza's blog. E-mail me and I will send you some information about ordering a custom sign.


Karen said...

I figure he (or she) who goes last gets to choose!! I have already requested the rented coffin and pine box in the ground. Why bury $5000? Of course Costco sells pretty cheap.

Of course you are a much nicer wife than me so....

But the pictures are lovely.

Darlene said...

It is such a good thing to have that all handled before hand. We really got a chuckle, or even an out and out laugh when we read about your argument! We already have our plot and we only got one. I like the military way of burying husband and wife in the one grave. We also have decided that I am going to go first, so I will be on the bottom. That is the "missionary position" so that should be good.

Darlene said...

I wonder if the undertaker would object to placing Dick in the coffin with his face down?

Just ME the MOM said...

Hee - love everyones comments on this one. I'm feeling kind of bad I don't have PRP! Who would have thought? I have some ideas, but knowing my husband, I think it would probably not be a good idea to bring up. We'll probably one of those 'who ever goes last' sort a couples :)


Amy said...

I love the creamation idea and being spread all over a national park. That just made me laugh. I told my husband about it, and in all seriousness he asked if we could do that. Men.
Good luck figuring it all out. What a serious topic. I would never have thought to talk about this.

Lisalulu said...

It just seems more logical and ecological to have ashes, and less expense for the family... but I don't know if that is "kosher" with our beliefs, funny no one talks about this!

Karen Sue said...

We were talking about burial this a.m. on our walk. I said my kids think it is creepy that my mom and dad have plots and a stone already with their names on it...came about after someone their age made these decisions real quick a couple of years ago when the hubby died. I say 'hey, it's how they want it now'.

Jess said...

That is a hard one, do you get buried somewhere that is beautiful or somewhere near your children, your hometown? I don't know, I've not thought that far ahead yet. And btw, you are too young to worry about all of those details just yet!

bethanne said...

Okay Sue, I think you are so funny. People think I am morbid because I read the obits from my home paper, whatever.... anyhow. I think that the national park idea is awsome. Madronia is beautiful though. This totally sounds like something I would discuss with Mike and he would just give me a "Are you serious?" look.

Julie P said...

I just found this post today and laughed when you said it was funny to have the conversation because are still so young. My husband and I have had the conversation lately (we were working on wills and trusts and all that really fun! and exciting! stuff) and we're 33 and 36. :)

We're going for cremation, the kids can ditch the ashes on their next beautiful hike, and take the money they saved to take a BIG trip.

Well, that's the plan. We'll see what really happens after we both kick the bucket.

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