Last Sunday, my husband and I were asked by the young adults in his ward to say a few words at the close of a meeting they had organized on the subject of dating with the idea of finding your spiritual mate. Based upon answers to a survey filled out the week before, the leaders pulled off a great discussion, and I think a lot of feelings and issues got aired. Some may even have been resolved. :)
For my portion of the program, I decided to go with a poem (surprise, surprise). I'm posting it here so the people who asked for a copy can access it easily. Of course, any others who'd like to use it with young adults are welcome to do so, as long as you keep the copyright information intact. I won't be posting it on my poetry website, so if you're interested, this is the venue.
How to Date Your Spiritual Mate
©2010 Susan Noyes Anderson
I hope you’ll listen to my take
on how to find a mate.
My vision is unique and wise.
My counsel is first-rate.
I know what works and what does not.
I know what’s tried and true.
(And if you don’t believe me, look
at who I’m married to!)
And so, with that strong evidence
of my own expertise,
I’ll tell you how to find a mate
that’s guaranteed to please.
But first, I think that I’ll begin
with this: What NOT to do.
Or maybe I should say what not
to pay attention to.
Some people look with worldly eyes
to find their perfect match.
Not good! This method just might make
you miss out on a catch!
The worldly eye’s a stink-eye;
it’s obsessed with imperfections.
From head to toe and back, it scouts out
reasons for rejections.
That dude’s not hot enough for you…
That chick’s too short, too tall.
That guy’s too round, too dark, too pale,
too big, too bald, too small.
That girl’s too freckle-faced, too white,
too tan, too thin, too plump.
And what’s that on her face…a mole?!
Does her nose have…a bump?!
His jaw’s too strong; his jaw’s too weak;
his chin could use a cleft.
And look at her…I think her right eye’s
bigger than her left!
His mouth’s too wide; his lips get chapped;
his cheeks are way too red.
I couldn’t date him. Look, a vein
sticks out in his forehead!
Is that a beauty mark or zit?
Hey, this could be genetic!
Why couldn’t she have dimples?
Is her hair kinda…frenetic?
I kid you not! That worldly eye
is way too harsh. It’s true!
If you could turn it on yourself,
that eye would rule out YOU!
So think about consulting with
your spirit eyes instead.
Look for your spirit mate when you’re
deciding who to wed.
You’ll recognize this spirit mate,
but not by how he looks.
You likely won’t hear magic bells
or swoon like story books.
You may not turn first hot, then cold,
then lose your power to speak.
You may not even float on clouds,
faint dead away, or shriek.
What you will do is find a friend,
who finds a friend in you.
You’ll talk a lot and share a lot.
You’ll like his point of view.
Your goals will be as similar
as the beliefs you hold.
With her, you’ll neither be too shy
nor need to be too bold.
You’ll feel at home in your own skin,
not one-down or one-up.
You’ll want to make him happy, and
he’ll want to fill your cup.
You’ll find yourself more generous,
less governed by your pride.
You’ll listen more, feel more respect,
and lose your selfish side.
You’ll notice that, together, you
are better than apart.
You’ll trust each other with your dreams
and later, with your heart.
Don’t give that heart away too soon;
trust ought to take some time.
You need to see how this gal works.
Do mountains make her climb?...
Or sit down and give up, or
run away, or lean on you?
You’ll make sure she’s committed
to her faith and to you, too.
(Not the band, the person, meaning
"you, too," not U2.)
The thing is, just be sure she’ll hang.
Make sure he’s tried and true.
You’ll find in him a listener
who cares just how you feel.
You’ll watch him serving others, and
you’ll know his love is real.
You’ll make sure that your backgrounds gel
on things that really count.
Like how to raise a family…
How to use your bank account.
You’ll understand each other, and
accept the things you see.
You won’t expect her to be more
than you’re willing to be.
And yet you’ll want to be your best…
Hey, why not start that now?
What better way could you prepare
to take a solemn vow?
The person you attract is bound
to be a lot like you.
So strive to be more faithful, kind,
wise, fun, and healthy, too!
Sure, make yourself desirable
in every way you can;
it's only going to help you find
that woman or that man.
But seek your spirit mate; don’t
trophy date, because the prize
is someone you can only see
through your spiritual eyes.
Good looks are fun, but fleeting…
like tinsel on a tree.
But goodness lasts forever.
Choose well, for eternity.
