Monday, September 15, 2008

Parenting today

I've just read a fantastic article in Meridian Magazine from Kevin Hinckley (maybe related to Pres. Hinckley?), who has a new parenting book out. Boy, does he hit the nail on the head! 

The url is: 

One of the things he talks about is the "new parenting," where it's all about supposedly creating self esteem (through unlimited self expression and frequently undeserved approval) and not enough about feeling comfortable with the idea of imposing and enforcing reasonable limits, thereby teaching self discipline. His point is that one of the natural consequences of exercising self discipline in the world is the genuine self esteem people's reaction to your behavior generates within you. 

Anyway, this is a good and thought-provoking read. Hinckley's negative example of the generation we're raising is the person who tries out for American Idol and is completely shocked and appalled (even insulted) to be told that he/she doesn't have a decent singing voice. 

A more common example (this one from me) would be kids who have no respect for the property or feelings of others because they've been taught by their parents to believe that the world revolves around them. (Self-centered people can be pretty hard to take.) A related problem is this: when kids are raised thinking the world revolves around them, they are more likely to suffer from emotional problems as adults due to the sting of unrealistic/unfulfilled expectations. The world doesn't treat them the way they expected it to (the way their overindulgent parents did), and now they are unhappy with the new rules. Furthermore, they've developed no coping mechanisms for being uncomfortable because their parents always bent over backwards to do all their emotional work for them (or to be so permissive on the home front that emotional work was never required!)

I hope you take a look at the article. It's well worth a few minutes of your time, and I bet you'll like it.



Heather Anderson said...

It was a good article however taken mostly from a book not really his own ideas

Sue said...

I just checked back to Meridian magazine to see if I was confused, but the article is by Kevin Hinckley himself, who is the author of "Parenting the Strong-Willed Child, Fortifying Our Youth and Healing Our Prodigals." Anyway, this article appears to be an excerpt (probably the introduction) from that book, which is the thing I was excited about because I want to get it and read the remaining chapters.

Here's what the book jacket says about Hinckley:

"Author Kevin Hinckley, a professional counselor, former bishop, and parent, offers sensitive, practical answers for LDS parents..."

I can't wait to read it because, from what he's said so far, it is entirely the direction I would take writing on a similar topic. I like that he's talking about prevention first and then what to do if the kids are already older and at the rebellious stage. It's very similar to what I did in "At the End of Your Rope,There's Hope." (So no wonder I like it, lol!)

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