The Watcher

Valette - Under Winslow Bridge


The Watcher
© 2012 Susan Noyes Anderson

He watched, aloof, as other men built bridges...
eschewed their trust in girders, planks and beams.
Foundations always cracked for him or crumbled.
(Nothing strong is ever as it seems.)

He peered from shadows, most of his own making,
cursed the careless hearts that let him down,
decried the better life he was forsaking,
and labeled bridges one more way to drown.

∞§∞

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ET Go Home

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Jenny is going in for the kill with this week's Centus, asking us to create one meaningful sentence using neither E nor T. The woman is trying to drive her devotees clear 'round the bend, and it's working! Sure hope she "plays nice" next week!

Wind blows boldly in a cloudy sky, mixing colors, giving us a rainbow high.

∞§∞

Marriage Musings

This summer has been filled with weddings for us. Come December, my hubby and I will have been married 40 years. In general, people are prone to exclaim in surprise over that number, which seems a rather sad commentary on the state of wedded bliss (or lack thereof) in our society. Where hitting the four-decade mark used to be commonplace, long-term relationships are almost an oddity now.

I don't pretend to be an expert on any marriage but mine, yet I often get asked the question, "How have you lasted so long? What's the secret?" For some reason, I always feel obligated to reply, especially to those dewy-eyed young brides who are just embarking on their own lives as wives and eventual mothers. I find myself wishing that I had some sure-fire formula for success as a spouse, but the only thing I've ever really come up with is something every would-be bride ought to do before the ring ever hits her finger: Choose the right guy!

That almost sounds like a punchline, but I mean it most sincerely. The following list is a series of things that I considered essential in finding my marriage partner, and if any one had been missing, it would have been a deal breaker.

1. Is he a good, solid person with sound morals?
2. Do you share basic beliefs about the world and have similar goals?
3. Does he have a history of commitment and dependability?
4. Is his family close? Is every member important to him?
5. Does he have a good work ethic, not just career-wise but in general?
6. Does he make your stomach flutter and your knees go weak?
7. Is there balance? Does he love and need you as much as you love and need him?
8. Can you trust him with every part of yourself?
9. Is he the person you enjoy being with more than any other?
10. Do you love talking to him? Laughing with him?
11. Does he respect and support you as an individual?
12. Is your happiness at least as important to him as his own?

These 12 considerations are not listed in order of importance because to me, every single one of them was and is important. Spending an entire lifetime together is a big deal...and far less likely to happen if any of these components is missing.

My concern is that a lot of couples jump into marriage too quickly these days, based upon attraction that hasn't passed the test of time and encouraged by the ease and frequency of divorce. These brides and grooms make vows without real intent, figuring that if things don't work out they will just move on. Sadly, moving on disqualifies them from the inestimable treasures of an enduring marriage: shared history and hard-won emotional intimacy. Those who stick together through thick and thin, riding the waves of joy and sorrow and even occasional apathy with resolve and commitment, create a bond of mature love and mutual understanding that feels as sacred and secure as any sanctuary.

Marriage CAN BE a sanctuary in this life...but it must be carefully built, year upon year, by those who inhabit it. The trick, of course, is choosing someone you want to inhabit it with!

A happy wedded state

requires the proper mate.

Choose well and seal your fate.

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Labor of Love and Unity

Boy, have I got a post to write, and I hope I can do it justice. Yesterday we had a job to do that I wasn't excited about at all (in fact, I feared and dreaded it). As is often true when the Lord is involved, it turned out to be a spiritual experience the likes of which I haven't had in a long while. You see, feeding 2,000 young adults was my idea of a logistical nightmare. My husband and I did not begin to know how to do it, and neither did most of the people (experts all) we consulted. The number seemed to boggle everyone's mind, ours included, and we approached yesterday's assignment with considerable trepidation.

What I observed is that personal growth and the joy of service are directly proportional to time and effort expended (sweat equity, I guess you could say). And what I learned is that the Lord rewards sacrifice in coin far more valuable than our meager offerings. My almost tangible takeaway was a feeling of love, belonging, and unity so intense it will warm me for days to come (months and years, maybe). You see, 40 of our good friends got up at 6:00 am on a Sunday to come and spend all morning and a fair portion of the afternoon helping us make a delicious meal happen for a couple of thousand young people who had dedicated their weekend to learning more about the Lord, each other, and themselves. And what a wonderful spirit we encountered when we opened the doors of the tri-stake center (next to the Oakland temple) to begin our preparation for the conference. But that was only the beginning.

What touched me most (besides our wonderful speakers, of course) was the camaraderie of the amazing helpers at my side, along with the sincere gratitude of the young adults we served. (During sacrament meeting, which we took a small break to attend, one of the young men became very emotional as he expressed his appreciation to us.) As for our food-prep posse, we did our work in three small rooms with the dividers opened to create one very long one. Initially, we wondered if we shouldn't set ourselves up in the gym, but it was finally decided that these rooms would be our best bet, and boy, did that bet pay off. The intimacy of working together in close quarters allowed us to enjoy one another, hear most of what was said, and keep each other happy while we worked. We toiled together in perfect unity, our assembly line a well-oiled machine and our hearts filled with purpose and good feeling. At one point, an old and dear friend of mine broke into the song "Celebration," and it was. This was a celebration of the very best part of each person there, and I was proud that I belong to and with them.

I can't even begin to list all of the friends that, while not involved in the food preparation on Sunday, helped Dave and me in other ways by such things as renting a refrigerated truck, accompanying us to Restaurant Depot to purchase the supplies on their membership card, coming along to pick up the grocery order, washing (and packaging and crisping) lettuce for the hoagies, baking 2,000 cookies, brainstorming, listening, empathizing, and generally supporting us in every way imaginable. I'm quite sure they saved Dave's and my sanity (such as it is).

The entire event ran smoothly as clockwork, and when we walked out the door at 4:00 pm, I felt a feeling of joy and satisfaction that is impossible to describe. What a blessing it is to work for and with the young people of this marvelous church. And how grateful my husband and I are to belong a tightly-knit community like The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, with all the gifts and opportunities for service and friendship that provides.

Our hearts are knit together in love.

And now...for the picture show:

The gang...

a greater work crew you will never see.

It was incredible,

like an old-fashioned barn raising...

except we were raising gourmet deli sandwiches...

and sandwiches...

and MORE sandwiches.

And then we were feeding...

and feeding...

ham sandwiches,

cheese sandwiches,

turkey and roast beef sandwiches.

The line of hungry people kept coming...

and coming.

They began to fill up the gymnasium.

And once the gymnasium was full...

they spilled outside onto the temple grounds.

(Sorry, should have gotten a picture of that but never made it outside with the camera.)

Looks like this young lady lost track of her friends.

But that's okay, because she had plenty more surrounding her.

=)

What a wonderful, wonderful day!

Thanks so much to everyone who helped us.

We love you all.

Oh, Jenneeeeeeee!

I think Jenny's gone a little bonkers this morning, because the Centus has taken a very strange turn. All we've been asked to do is come up with ONE (that's right, uno) sentence! The catch is that the sentence in question can't have even a single letter E in it. Nary a one.

As for subject matter, I decided to delve into the world of worry that has been cycling through my brain for the past few weeks, and it turned out to be a pretty easy assignment. I don't usually ruminate, but I've been making up for that on a daily basis ever since I learned what we would be doing at our Young Single Adult Youth Conference on Sunday afternoon. Ever heard of feeding the 5,000? Yes? Well, how about the 2,000?? Which brings me to the matter at hand...my Centus sentence...

∞§∞

Tomorrow is my opportunity to find out if my hubby and I (and 40 of our good pals) can find a will and a way to nourish 2,000 young folks at our church, so wish us luck whilst our stomachs lurch at this daunting thought of confronting such a task!

∞§∞

There was a young lady named Jenny,

whose prompts were attempted by many.

Though the curveballs she threw

challenged more than a few,

there were none who would quit her, not any!

;)

Live and Let Live: Practicing Peace

Last night, while googling a favorite blog of mine, I inadvertently clicked on a large, well-trafficked website with numerous forums for discussion. Apparently, the sole purpose of posting there was to denigrate eviscerate specific blogs, along with the bloggers who write them. Don't get me wrong, I'm not adverse to stating an opinion or offering other-than-positive feedback, but this went above and beyond. What flourished on those boards was not constructive criticism, or even harsh criticism. In fact, it amounted to hate speech, complete with profanity, character assassination, and a level of malevolence that shocked me. I was literally blown away by the vitriol.

Lest I be guilty of the same behavior that I found so off-putting, I will not mention the name of the site, but I thought it was despicable, and nearly everyone posting there could have taught a master course in intolerance. The handful that did try to introduce a voice of reason were unilaterally shunned and ridiculed, attacked by human piranhas who clearly enjoyed being hateful to bloggers they didn't even know. In fact, this was their express purpose...a sort of blood sport...and they made no bones about it, demanding that anyone offering positive remarks leave the board. (I can only assume they didn't want their desperate attempts to boost their own egos at the expense of others shot down.)

I have a longstanding friendship with one of the bloggers who was systematically slandered there, and I sincerely hope she never runs across the website in question. It would break her heart to read the negative characterizations of her faith and her family, slurs that have absolutely no basis in reality. Not even Stephanie Nielson, a burn victim who is courageously fighting her way back to health, escaped notice. In fact, she was smeared more viciously than most. To my mind, that goes beyond comprehension.

Hence, the title of my Alphabe-Thursday post today: Live and Let Live. Why? Because while not one of us is perfect, every one of us deserves respect. The relative anonymity of blogging and commenting makes flaming (and defaming) all too easy, but we don't need to give in to it. Wherever we disagree, let us do so with civility and kindness, and may we never presume to know the "truth" about anyone when we really don't know them at all.

"A good man out of the good treasure of the heart bringeth forth good things: 

and an evil man out of the evil treasure bringeth forth evil things." 

Matthew 12:35-36

When we speak ill of others, we are telling on ourselves.

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La Plainte de La Grand Dame

Magpie Tales is a wonderful blog that features a weekly picture prompt from one talented poet, Tess Kincaid. Those who choose to participate are welcome to respond in poetry or prose to the art selected. As it happens, most people submit a poem, which suits me fine! Here's my take on this one...

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A Dinner Table at Night 1884 - John Singer Sargent

La Plainte de la Grande Dame

©2012 Susan Noyes Anderson

We always dressed for dinner then,

lithe hostesses of peerless men

whose dreams were second to their pride.

So much to lose; still more to hide.

Our repartee was quite adroit,

and we were easy to exploit,

well-groomed for lives of grace and ease

by mothers who knew how to please.

Like sparrows feathering a nest,

we preened our way through every test--

glittered in gowns of ennui--

fancier than we were free.

∞§∞

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Dog Days of Summer

I'm a little late for Jenny's Saturday Centus meme this week (went to a wedding in Tahoe yesterday), but I couldn't resist having some fun with it before church. As you can see, the Matlock gave us a picture prompt, and her instructions were a real departure. Our offerings HAD to be in verse. Needless to say, this one was right up my alley!

∞§∞

Dog Days of Summer

©2012 Susan Noyes Anderson

Today's too hot to bark or bite,

too warm to walk or wag.

I'm not inclined to chomp or chew.

(My jowls are on the sag.)

No sitting up, no playing fetch,

no shaking hands with Fred.

No rolling over for this Rover.

I'm just playing dead.

Okay, I'm man's best friend, but

there's a limit to my nice.

No tricks till further notice, Master.

Just put me on ice!

∞§∞

Keep the Faith

Keep the Faith

©1981 by Susan Noyes Anderson

Sometimes I'd like to be

the type

who lives my life

without a backward glance––

and I would dance

through days

unburdened, fancy-free.

Instead, I'm me.

You know, the one

who counts the cracks

on every wall

and then recounts them

backwards

lest it fall

(knowing full well the chances are

it will).

Still, I have moments

when I just

let go––

then I stop counting cracks

and count on

faith.

You ask if the wall falls?

Surprise.

It's safe.

I wrote this poem 31 years ago, when faith was a little harder to come by. I don't count the cracks as often as I used to, but that doesn't mean I never count them. And every now and then, that wall looks to me like it's going to crumble right down to the ground.

What hasn't changed is this: At the heart of me, I still know it won't fall.
What has changed? I'm a lot less surprised about that.

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Disappearing Act

I have to apologize for my disappearing act, not just in posting but in visiting your blogs. I am missing you all, but between vacation, my husband's retirement, and church work, we are constantly on the run.

In fact, we've returned home from a great week with the family at Newport Beach just in time to begin preparing for what is literally the biggest assignment of our lives: feeding 2,500 young adults Sunday dinner for our segment of a youth conference that will be held statewide in California on the weekend of August 10th. Figuring out the logistics of that task is simply mind-boggling, and we are fully immersed in pricing, ordering, finding volunteers for the kitchen, and just plain preparing ourselves psychologically to get the job done. To be honest, both of us are nervous wrecks. (Can you say deer in the headlights?...to say nothing of the blind leading the blind?) Seriously, we don't have a clue! Loaves and fishes, anyone??

We do look forward to the conference, though, and since one of our own sons will be among the beneficiaries, we do have a dog in the race. Lots of them, actually, if you count everyone in my husband's congregation. This is a wonderful chance for all these young people to get together, meet new people, and have the kind of spiritual experiences they need. I know we will love being a part of it, especially once all of this preliminary food planning has been done.

Saturday we will be in Tahoe, where the hubby will perform a marriage ceremony for two of our son's best friends. We will also visit my brother and his wife, who were married last year. They are a rather well-merged "Brady Bunch" family, and I am looking forward to seeing their newly remodeled house. (They were bursting at the seams and had to do some serious expanding!)

On the home front, I am enjoying Dave's retirement so far, and so is he. What a pleasure it is to be able to wake up with the luxury of planning our day together. We haven't quite gotten the rhythm down yet (hence my recent tendency to lag in blogging and commenting), but we will sure have fun figuring it all out as we go along!

Life is good, albeit a little hectic. At least we're in demand, right? (Not bad for a couple of old geezers like us...)

;)