Saturday, June 11, 2011

Misery and Me


Saturday Centus is up to new tricks this week, or at least its creator is. Our good friend Jenny has graciously (?) granted us 200 words to flesh out our offerings a little more than usual. It's been an interesting challenge, to say the least. The prompt, not included in the word count, is in a different font.

∞§∞

Misery and Me
©2011 Susan Noyes Anderson

Misery loves company, they say. I say right back to them that if that’s true, he makes a piss poor host...the kind who keeps the windows latched and draped, doors closed and bolted tight against the searing light of day.

Oh sure, the old wretch let me in––flung wide the gate, in fact––but getting out is not so easy; in those early days, I helped him build a wall. (The wall was built long ago.) We laid it brick by brick, the mortar laced with grit and gravel. It stands right around the garden, now gone brown.

Why will I sugarcoat this thing? The yard is colorless, no hint of brown at all.

It’s been three years, and though I still can hear the words that stripped my soul, they’re softer now and moved from stab to sting. Time heals all…wounds all heels…reveals the age-old truth that pain is mortal, too. My pain is dying slowly. Misery watches, waits with baited breath.

Some days, the garden almost beckons, hums quite faintly. Now and then, I see a flash of green, a blade of grass. Most of the bricks are loose now, and (God willing) one might fall...one more…one more…one more…and me...

Set free at last.
∞§∞

Friday, June 10, 2011

Just Us Girls


I have a Friday tradition for which I am truly grateful. On this already highly-favored day, my daughter gets off work at noon, comes over to my house, and accompanies me to lunch. That's right! We have a standing lunch date, and we usually do a little shopping afterwards to walk off the calories...or so we tell ourselves. (My checkbook may or may not reveal a slightly less worthy motive.)

Be that as it may, this afternoon we're hitting a local Italian restaurant that boasts great salads (I'll take the seafood; she'll take the cobb). Other favorites of ours are Thai, Mexican, and Malaysian. Sometimes, we even eat good, old-fashioned American! But no matter the cuisine, I look forward to this time with Karin every week, when we can be "just the girls" in a family where testosterone is the prevailing hormone and baseball, basketball, or general accounting practices (ugh) often take center stage.

I'm happy for these priceless moments with my beautiful daughter. In fact, I'm happy that I even have a daughter, especially one that takes a couple of hours from her limited store of free time (the girl works three jobs!) to hang out with her arguably nosy and opinionated old mother every week.

What makes me happiest of all, of course, is that I think she enjoys it nearly as much as I do!

=)

love that girl

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Hope Dawns

I'm a pretty hopeful person by nature, but that doesn't mean life doesn't beat me down sometimes. When that happens, I like to cheer myself up by writing poems. Here's one from way back:

©1999 by Susan Noyes Anderson, Awaken Your Spiritual Power, Karisma Press

“Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning” (Psalms 30:5).

The dawn in a nightgown of glistening dew

Arouses the sun from her beauty sleep,

To paint from a palette of every hue

A sky that enchants us from slumber deep.

And as we awaken to nature’s art,

Old wounds, like the ashes of embers spent,

Are scattered and blown from a weary heart

To rest in the grave of their discontent.

Reborn in the wake of each fledgling day,

The soul catches fire in the shimmering light

That heralds the dawn as her bright array

Eclipses the darkness of passing night.

Take courage, my friend, though shadows assail.

A new day awaits you; the light will prevail.

for more H posts, click below

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Doing Well is Just Divine!

Doing well is a good feeling!

Sometimes we get recognition for our efforts...

Other times, we have to give ourselves a pat on the back
and recognize our own.

I've noticed that this ability to recognize our own accomplishments is considerably less easy for some than it is for others, but it is an ability worth cultivating. If we fail to acknowledge and appreciate our successes, we cannot embrace the God-given gifts that make them possible. Without exception, this lapse constitutes an immense loss, not only to ourselves but to others whose lives might be touched by a fuller expression of whatever unique talents belong to us.

This weekend, I'll be teaching a Relief Society lesson at church on Developing Our Talents. Usually I get a little nervous as my Sunday approaches, but this time I can hardly wait to talk about a subject so dear to my heart. What makes it dear, of course, is the fact that I have paid the price to learn it myself, and it was worth every emotional penny. Let me take a few moments to explain.

About 15 years ago, I began to understand that it wasn't prideful to "own up" to a talent...and that if you couldn't own up to it, you couldn't own it, either. Remember the parable of the talents in the New Testament? The talent that was carefully placed underground (to languish there, unused) was taken away and given to someone willing to give it life and make the most of it.

In order to give a talent life, we must be courageous enough to embrace the risk inherent in admitting it is there in the first place. After all, if we never admit it exists, then we don't have to experience the growing pains of developing it...the trial and error of putting it out there and accepting the feedback (sometimes positive and sometimes negative) that makes it ready for prime time. Quite simply, we must create an open space for our talent(s) to grow, or they will not grow at all. They may even wither away altogether.

Today I call myself a poet and a writer (and today I believe it), but it was a long road taking ownership of that reality. I've always known I had a gift for language, and I've always used it to express myself in writing. I wrote for myself, my friends, my teachers, and my church, but I never thought much about it. This particular talent runs in my family, and for many years I took it for granted and used it here and there with little purpose or intention. At one point, when I needed it most (and I suspect this was anything but a coincidence), a good friend suggested to me that I could do more with my writing, maybe even share it with others through publication. We need to listen to our friends when they say such things!

For some reason, probably because I was at a place in my life where a few empty spaces needed filling, I decided to take her at her word. My writing became more focused and disciplined as I researched various markets and made a concentrated effort to attract the attention of editors. It wasn't an easy process, and I received countless rejections before the acceptances started rolling in, but I eventually saw a number of poems in print and placed my first book with a noted publisher. Later, two more books came my way, and many more poems for sharing. (I always enjoyed exposing humorous or light-hearted poems to others, but the first time I put a deeply emotional one out there, I felt like I was standing in front of a full house with no clothes on!) These days, it doesn't even faze me. In fact, I enjoy it.

The thing is, despite numerous publications, I didn't call myself a writer or a poet until about five years ago. It seemed presumptuous, even prideful, and I couldn't think of myself that way. But I experienced a sea change when a person whose opinion I respected greatly began calling me a poet and/or author on a regular basis in front of others. At first, it amused me. Depending on the company, it even embarrassed me. But over time, I somehow connected with that vision of myself and made it my own. And I've been throwing up websites and covering them with words ever since.

Of course, not all of our talents are so visible or tangible, but they are all priceless. A gift for listening and providing real comfort is invaluable, as is the gift of understanding without judgment. Even the gift of recognizing and appreciating the talents of others is a great treasure. (I know, because the friend who helped me has it!)

Sorry for a long-winded post, but Sunday's lesson keeps percolating in my mind, and this subject matters. We are sons and daughters of a loving Heavenly Father. Being "no respecter of persons," He has given meaningful gifts and abilities to all His children. What we do with these is up to us, but I have a feeling we will be held accountable for their use or neglect. After all, we are God's hands on this earth. Surely that means wielding every tool at our disposal, every gift and every ability, to assist and uplift our brothers and sisters.

Enough said! Let's go out there and do some good in the world. We can acknowledge and develop those talents of ours with a gusto that won't quit. (And if we have trouble finding them, we can ask others what they are!)

Hey, we can't claim 'em if we can't name 'em...

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Summer Starts with a Smile

photo by tendershootz

Looking back on childhood, I realize that my very best moments included water. Nothing's changed. From backyards to breakers, turquoise to ocean blue, there's nowhere I'd rather be than immersed in clear, cooling water.

It seems my grandson feels the same way.

(and that makes me smile)

=)

for more happiness, click here

Monday, June 6, 2011

I See Trees

The light that glows in every tree
warms and lifts and strengthens me.

{ it shines so brightly, hearts can see }

∞§∞

Trees
Joyce Kilmer (1886-1918)

I think that I shall never see
A poem lovely as a tree.
A tree whose hungry mouth is prest
Against the earth's sweet flowing breast;
A tree that looks at God all day,
And lifts her leafy arms to pray;
A tree that may in Summer wear
A nest of robins in her hair;
Upon whose bosom snow has lain;
Who intimately lives with rain.
Poems are made by fools like me,
But only God can make a tree.

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Death Throes


That Jenny Matlock is full of surprises this morning. The words she has given us are "The End," and we're only allowed 25 more to reach ours. Yikes!

Here goes, my friends. The prompt, as always, is in red.

∞§∞

Death Throes
©2011 Susan Noyes Anderson

“We’re through.”

“Whaddya mean, through?”

“Over.”

“Over?”

“Yeah, over. Kaput. Finis.”

“Finis?”

“Absolument finis.”

“What, you’re French now?”

“Not French. Frustrated. Fed-up. Done.”

“Wha'? Wassup?”

The End.”

∞§∞

Friday, June 3, 2011

Shania Twain on OWN


Is anyone following the Shania Twain series entitled "Why Not?" on Oprah Winfrey Network? While I haven't been a particular fan of Shania's over the years (though I've liked her well enough from afar), I recently watched three of these episodes, DVRd by my parents, and found them both interesting and frustrating.

Shania Twain is trying to heal from a bitter divorce and regain the ability to sing without restriction. Apparently, a painful betrayal by her former husband and best friend (they had an affair) wounded her to the point that she has been unable to perform for years. This program on OWN is about her efforts to do "whatever it takes" to heal, including interviewing people whose life experience might shed some light on hers: a woman who cheated with a best friend's husband, a woman whose best friend cheated with her husband, and a family of teenagers who lost their mother prematurely. She also asks Gladys Knight for counsel, attends the Golden Willow Retreat for some body (and soul) work, and consults with Dr. Gordon Livingston, an author and grief counselor. What she doesn't do nearly enough (and this is the part that frustrates me) is CRY. Instead, she stifles the expression of real feelings...time after time...with a forced laugh that becomes increasingly difficult to hear. No wonder she can't "release her voice," because she is choking down her feelings of sadness and rage big-time. Those tears Shania has never cried have to be blocking her golden throat with the biggest lump imaginable.

The thing is, this lovely woman is immensely likable. Ironically, that makes me sort of want to grab her by the shoulders and shake the sobs right out of her. And if I were her sister (who accompanies her on this journey), I would! As a viewer, however, all I can do is talk to the screen...which is immensely unsatisfying, especially to one who thinks she knows all the answers. (Yep, that'd be me, the know-it-all who wants to be her therapist!) I want to stop her every time she flits away from whatever she is really feeling and pull her back so she can grieve and grieve and grieve and grieve some more. And I want to tell her that all the skydiving and rock climbing in the world are not going to give her the courage she needs to perform again. The only courage she needs is the courage to cry it out before she tries to move on.

My impression of Shania Twain? She is a strong and admirable woman, one who held her own grief at bay in order to raise teenage siblings after their parents died in a car accident many years ago. But that was then, and this is now. Today, she needs to honor herself and her feelings enough to release them.

I hope she succeeds.

(Hey, maybe she already has! I haven't seen the rest of the series...)

=)

PS. I love her new song, "Today is Your Day."

PPS. She still needs to write the other one...the sad one. Skipping steps on the grieving cycle never works.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

My Gardener


My favorite day is Monday.
That’s the day the gardener comes.

I love to watch him pull the weeds
and plant chrysanthemums.

Sometimes he cuts back our front hedge
or prunes my climbing tree.

I watch him out the window,
and he turns and waves at me.

He doesn’t use a broom to sweep.
He uses a machine.

Just like a white tornado,
it blows all our sidewalks clean.

He waves again before he leaves
and hums a happy hum.

(But I wish he’d take his gloves off once
and show me his green thumb!)

for more G posts, click below

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

My Birthday Loot is Super Cute!


Just wanted to thank my family for giving me such neat birthday gifts this year. They are such thoughtful gift-givers and always seem to know just what I will like, even my grandchildren! For instance, Jeremiah picked out a "book" that is really a box (two of my favorite things), and Carli got me a wall plaque with the cutest poem about grandmas ever:

Grandma has ears that truly listen,
Arms that always hold,
Love that's never ending,
And a heart that's made of gold.

I'm glad she thinks that is true of me, and I hope I can live up to it!

My mom painstakingly crocheted the colorful washcloths I enjoy so much, an especially meaningful gift because the arthritis in her fingers makes that task so difficult. Talk about a gift of love! She also thought to get me a fold-up footstool for my kitchen so I can reach the high cupboards, a mat to protect my stainless steel sink, and a chopping knife so that people who use my kitchen don't feel quite so tortured. (Hopefully I don't cut myself to smithereens with it...I am infamous for my dull knives!)

The family plaque, of course, is right up my alley, too. And I love a cute birdhouse.

Thanks again, everyone. I feel well-loved and then some!

=)

PS. I am hosting the book club at Bakow Book Babble this week. You might want to check it out and join us!