The Errand of Angels...and Raising Them

Today is my second son's 30th birthday, a milestone event, to be sure. Next month, my youngest boy (and I use the term loosely) will turn 28, and my lovely daughter already hit 32 in February. October will make me the mother of a 35-year-old man, which will be a pretty big shock to both of our systems, I suspect.

You may remember that I did lengthy, over-the-top birthday tributes for every member of my family in 2009; this year I'll just be doing the honors in person. I will, however, be writing about motherhood today, because the four delightful people I brought into the world more decades ago than seems possible are doing me the honor every day of being my children––unique, interesting, and accomplished individuals of whom I am shamefully proud.

The thing is, motherhood has been on my mind a lot lately, partially as a result of these birthday reminders, but also because Segullah (one of my favorite internet venues) has been discussing the subject this week, most notably here (A Natural Woman, by Angela), but also here and here. If you can't take time to read all three, go with the first one, because the comments made there by some of the coolest readers around (next to my own, of course) are unfailingly interesting, intelligent, and inspirational. Not only is Angela one heck of a writer, but her commenters are great, too! I also enjoyed reading Jim Rowberry's thoughts on cjane, relative to the art of loving your wife during the postpartum phase. Such a sweet, wise, and funny offering it was from a young man who grew up in my ward before establishing his current home in Salt Lake City. (How surprising and sort of surreal it was, hopping over to cjane for my daily perusal of her blog and running into his smiling, familiar face...looking almost exactly as it did 10 years ago, I might add.) It's A Small World, especially when you're LDS.

But back to the subject at hand. Motherhood. And my love for it. The discussion on Angela's post at Segullah centered around the premise that women are "natural" mothers, blessed with a gift that makes us uniquely suited to raise and nurture children. Most there agreed that the basic statement was true, but some disagreed about the definition of "natural," and many chafed a bit at the onus and expectation that seem to accompany motherhood when presented in that light. Two particularly interesting points were made by Angela in her essay: First, that not one of us is perfect, despite suggestions to the contrary in the form of tributes, pedestals, and platitudes that only serve to make some women feel that they are falling short of the mark; and second, that motherhood doesn't come "naturally" to all of us but that excellence in that area is, rather, a result of hard work, very personal choices, and sacrifice. Angela maintains rather sensibly that a woman should be able to own her efforts and be credited for and by them, rather than having the inference constantly made that the behaviors around motherhood come easily to her. What's more, Angela does not feel edified by having the paragon of a proverbial "angel mother" held up to her every time she turns around, at church or elsewhere, nor does she believe that such an unreachable ideal is particularly helpful or motivating for the many struggling mothers who are painfully aware that, if angel motherhood exists, they are still looking for their wings. All good points and worth thinking about.

The discussion went in a lot of different directions, many that had little to do with Angela's own opinions. But that's what made the whole thing so interesting...and since I don't have time or room to discuss it in greater detail here, that's also why you should head on over and read it yourself! I will say, though, that a common thread emerged and surprised me because it was so well-represented...the reality that, while all of the women there were happy to be mothers, an unexpected (by me) number of them were not especially comfortable in that role, and a few even found the particulars of the job rather unpleasant...more duty than pleasure. It made me grateful that being the mother of my children is an exercise I have been blessed to enjoy in every aspect. It also occurs to me that my liking for the job may be a direct result of the particular children who came my way, lo those many years ago.

My children pretty much rock...and they always have. Oh sure, they did put up the usual fights and fusses...went through the awful phases, stages, and difficult ages...but even as young children, they never once made my life utterly miserable or inspired me to wonder what on earth I had ever gotten myself into by having four children so close together. If it hadn't been for all the sicknesses they seemed to attract like magnets in their younger years...and the teenage/young adult antics that I still maintain turned my hair grey...the whole experience would have been perfect! Instead, it was perfectly wonderful. (And it still is, despite the ups and downs and ins and outs of their adult lives.) In fact, being their mother is my favorite thing. Why? Because of who they are.

So I want to thank them...each one...but particularly Ryan, since this is his birthday. Thank you, Ry, for coming my way 30 years ago with your wide, wondering eyes; smashed baby nose; down-covered head; and crooked little feet (things got a bit tight in utero). Oh, how I loved and love being your unabashedly imperfect mom.

And Matt's.

And Karin's.

And Todd's.

Yep. I am one lucky mother. Which may be why the controversial notion of "angel mothers" (and similarly lofty characterizations, discussed with no small amount of angst by Angela and others over at Segullah and infused into our culture by Abraham Lincoln so many years ago) fails to make me feel much of anything but special.

Or at least, potentially so.

***Don't forget that today is your last chance to enter my 500th-post giveaway by making just one comment here. Winners of the special edition Penguin classic books by Jane Austen and the super-cute tote by Ronna will be announced tomorrow morning. Good luck!