Friday, December 9, 2011

Memory Lane: An Ode to Sideburns


Recently I was searching like a mad woman for my outline of this year's Christmas story, which I had scribbled down in the car last summer and subsequently misplaced. (Seriously, I went a little crazy thinking I had lost it.) In the process of searching every nook and cranny of my office, I ran across something that made me laugh at loud...a motherly note I had written to Ryan back in 1999. He was a freshman in college and nervous about upcoming midterms. Anyway, I thought you might get a kick out of it, too. (Should I mention he was sporting a set of sideburns so obnoxious that I longed to take an electric shaver to them in the night?)

Here it is. This is its first (and last) outing in public, so I hope you will make allowances for the outdated references. Some of the people I mentioned are still well known, while others were flashes in the pan. Ah, the vagaries of pop culture! Maybe you will remember a few of them fondly...or not. ;)


An Ode to Burns
©1999 Susan Noyes Anderson

Who said that sideburns ain't that cool?
Brigham had ‘em; he’s no fool.
John Wayne liked to grow that hair,
and Elvis had a lovely pair.
Mr. T could sprout some fuzz,
but not as much as Tom Green does.
Backstreet Boy, AJ McClean,
claims his are the best he’s seen…
(Lincoln never would agree…
His sideburns are history!)
James Dean had that sexy stubble;
Stalin had ‘em (double trouble).
Harrison Ford can sprout some thistles;
Affleck claims that his draw whistles!
John Travolta’s make girls boogie;
James Brown’s make them boogie-woogie!
Bruce Lee’s burns kick(b0x) the Rock’s…
while Neil Young’s match his curly locks.
These burns are many, and they’re great.
They’re ugly as sin, which means first-rate.
And yet, to Ry’s, they hold no candle…
Those Anderson burns…TOO HOT TO HANDLE!

Ryan Anderson has the only true burns.
but then we must never forget:

The only good burn is a dead burn.
(If the razor don’t fit, try Nair.)

With loads of love and as much burn tolerance as I can manage
from
YOUR MOM =)

PS. Good luck with finals!

How's that for an annoying missive from your mother? To their everlasting credit, my kids still like me. At least, they appear to. Indeed, their tolerance knows no bounds.

Happy Friday, y'all...

;)

22 comments:

Pondside said...

I love it, and I'll bet he did too!

Grandma Honey said...

That was a blast from the past! So was the music.

I think that was a great way to get your point across...how did he take it at the time?

Brian Miller said...

hahaha...hope he reads and enjoys....my mom gets on me about my mohawk and growing up again one day...hehe...

anitamombanita said...

oh too funny...I remember those hideous, ooops, I mean charming, burns.

By Word of Mouth Musings said...

LOVE this ... and to think you had it hidden away!

JDaniel4's Mom said...

They are never been my favorite thing. I hope he reads your poem.

karen said...

I'll bet it made him laugh out loud. It's funny to look back and remember when they looked cool. They really were awful though. Fun little stroll down memory lane...

Jackie said...

Let's to mustache next!

Eva Gallant said...

Awesome ode to facial fuzz!

Stacy Crawford said...

Nice stress release during finals!

5thsister said...

Sue! You won my giveaway! Please email me with your full name and address and I will get these out in the mail on Monday!

Merry Christmas!

kaykuala said...

Agree with you Sue! Sideburns look manly. But in caricature sketching if you put sideburns on the character it would get a hoodlum look for the guy. Try putting it on Charlie Brown's it'll make him look fiercer. Must accompany it with an 'inverted smile'and some lines across above both eyes (to depict a frown)

Hank

Terra said...

sue that was HILARIOUS! I can't believe you knew all those burn sporting celebs to put this together, i never could have done that...So sorry to your son but I gotta tell you it is something he will never forget!!!!

Darlene said...

I loved the poem and I'll bet Ryan really did too when you sent it to him. He did keep those sideburns for quite a long time. He is so handsome, he would look great no matter what he did to his hair or face.

I also kinda like Todd's beard. It seems like everyone has to try it just once anyway. Poor guy, he's just too busy to shave.

I loved Brian's comment about his mom and his mohawk. I was so surprised when he posted this picture. He doesn't look a bit like I had pictured him in my mind. I thought he would have a real intellectual look.

Anyway the poem made for a fun read and I'm glad you ran across it. BTW, did you ever find your outline for your Christmas story?

Lisalulu said...

haha, and I'll bet even with that nudge, he STILL didn't shave them off!!

blessedmom's simple home said...

Lol, this made me smile. I thought part of our job description as "Mom" was to annoy :)
Blessings,
Marcia

yaya said...

I should post a pic of the crazy burns Jack had in the early 70's! They went with his huge 'fro he also grew! However, he would probably really not like it and revenge would be his! (he might find a way to post my driver's license pic) Loved the poem to your Son and after that I would be nice to you too..you never know what could show up in a post. Thanks for the step back in time. I'm still going to do this on my blog, but I will have to wait just a bit before I jump in...have a great weekend!

Dixie Mom said...

Ha ha! This one had me laughing out loud. I can just imagine him getting this note from you. I think you must be the coolest Mom ever! Did he shave them off after that?

Dina @ 4 Lettre Words said...

You are such a fun mom, Sue. I love it!

Karen Mortensen said...

That was clever. Did he ever shave them?

Farmer's Wyfe said...

Ah, this is great! If you can't put smiles on faces, ain't nobody can!! :)

Wendy said...

That is hilarious!

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