Memory Lane: An Ode to Sideburns

Recently I was searching like a mad woman for my outline of this year's Christmas story, which I had scribbled down in the car last summer and subsequently misplaced. (Seriously, I went a little crazy thinking I had lost it.) In the process of searching every nook and cranny of my office, I ran across something that made me laugh at loud...a motherly note I had written to Ryan back in 1999. He was a freshman in college and nervous about upcoming midterms. Anyway, I thought you might get a kick out of it, too. (Should I mention he was sporting a set of sideburns so obnoxious that I longed to take an electric shaver to them in the night?)

Here it is. This is its first (and last) outing in public, so I hope you will make allowances for the outdated references. Some of the people I mentioned are still well known, while others were flashes in the pan. Ah, the vagaries of pop culture! Maybe you will remember a few of them fondly...or not. ;)

An Ode to Burns

©1999 Susan Noyes Anderson

Who said that sideburns ain't that cool?

Brigham had ‘em; he’s no fool.

John Wayne liked to grow that hair,

and Elvis had a lovely pair.

Mr. T could sprout some fuzz,

but not as much as Tom Green does.

Backstreet Boy, AJ McClean,

claims his are the best he’s seen…

(Lincoln never would agree…

His sideburns are history!)

James Dean had that sexy stubble;

Stalin had ‘em (double trouble).

Harrison Ford can sprout some thistles;

Affleck claims that his draw whistles!

John Travolta’s make girls boogie;

James Brown’s make them boogie-woogie!

Bruce Lee’s burns kick(b0x) the Rock’s…

while Neil Young’s match his curly locks.

These burns are many, and they’re great.

They’re ugly as sin, which means first-rate.

And yet, to Ry’s, they hold no candle…

Those Anderson burns…TOO HOT TO HANDLE!

Ryan Anderson has the only true burns.

but then we must never forget:

The only good burn is a dead burn.

(If the razor don’t fit, try Nair.)

With loads of love and as much burn tolerance as I can manage

from

YOUR MOM =)

PS. Good luck with finals!

How's that for an annoying missive from your mother? To their everlasting credit, my kids still like me. At least, they appear to. Indeed, their tolerance knows no bounds.

Happy Friday, y'all...

;)