Do Good Unto Others...AND Yourself

I read an article yesterday by Maurine Proctor of Meridian Magazine. It's entitled The Lord Is Not the Accuser, and I think it is well worth reading.

I've always been a big proponent of people (including me) being gentle with themselves, so this article might not have spoken so loudly to me in the past. As I grow older, however, and as my capacity to "be all things to all people" (or at least, try to be) wanes, I find my inner critic speaking a little more loudly and being a lot more difficult to banish once it gains my ear.

Those who know me well would probably find this a surprising development, as I do. I can't tell you how many times I've given lessons to young people, reminding them with no small amount of conviction that when a voice in their heads tells them they need to do more "good things" in a way that leaves them feeling so discouraged they can only imagine themselves doing nothing at all (or, worse yet, "bad things"), they are listening to the wrong voice. Frankly, I've always been remarkably good at shunning that unhelpful, discouraging voice in favor of loving myself up a bit, being my own cheerleader, and continuing the climb that is and always will be life. Onward and upward, right? Fall seven times; stand up eight. If you can believe it, you can achieve it.

And yet, I feel vulnerable as the years advance, perhaps because I am increasingly aware of my own frailties. Or maybe they are multiplying (physically, for certain...and in other ways, too).

The thing is, I'm more prickly than I used to be. More picky, as well. I often feel like I've traded down for someone else's body, like we made an exchange that seemed reasonable at the time but left me holding the short end of the stick. I can't help but miss the days when I had more pride of ownership about my body, mind, and spirit...when personal growth felt more like solidifying gains than shoring up losses. I liked feeling entirely vigorous and capable and up to any task. Some days, I could have sworn I was invincible. These days, I'm about as "vincible" as they come.

Of course, these are just the normal effects and feelings of getting older, but since that is exactly what I'm doing, I enjoyed Maurine's timely reminder that whatever the Lord has to say to me will be said in an encouraging tone of voice, and that whatever else I hear is not worthy of my attention.

It has even occurred to me (tuning "in" to the Lord's voice and "out" to that other), that my body, mind and spirit are actually improved as I grow older, and that the deficiencies, difficulties, and differences I now perceive as age-related were always there for the finding and (gentle) improving. My kinder self reminds me that what age really does is allow people to see through life's glass less darkly*...which exposes both the flaws and the beauties inherent in each one of us more clearly.

So go home, critic on my shoulder. I'm already working on those flaws. Today I am looking at the beauty...which begets beauty. And so on.

* "For now we see through a glass darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as I am known" (1 Cor. 13:12).