A Haunting Tale

Halloween is just around the corner, and Jenny's last Saturday Centus of October calls for the "scariest story ever." As per Ms. Matlock's instructions, I have added my hundred words to the prompt and created a tale that scares me silly. The prompt, in honor of All Hallow's Eve, is in orange.

∞§∞

A Haunting Tale

©2010 Susan Noyes Anderson

“Where’d ya get the cool pumpkin, Mom?”

“It is cool, isn’t it? And the way we got it is even cooler! But that’s Grandma’s story to tell. She all but stole this super-squash from the stingiest farmer alive. Go on, Mom.”

“That’s okay, dear. I’m listening.”

The tale was wild and wooly, with Grandma emerging as the main character in a dusky romp through the pumpkin patch that climaxed with a display of bartering so skillful the farmer was still shaking his head as they drove away.

Suddenly, Grandma spoke.

"This is the scariest story I've ever heard...”

“How come, Grandma?”

“Because I can’t remember it.”

∞§∞

As you can see, I was struck this morning by a news article about Maria Shriver, wife of the current governor of California, who is making an effort to raise consciousness about Alzheimer's disease in women: namely, the high ratio of women to men. Her findings were published this week in The Shriver Report, which discusses preventative measures women can take to avoid becoming one of the statistics. Apparently, 2/3 of those suffering from Alzheimer's are women, and doctors are increasingly aware that heart health is closely related. I like this report because it has an empowering element to it, providing concrete things women (and men, of course) can do to protect memory and cognition to the greatest extent possible, given whatever genetic and environmental risks may exist for them.

We all know or love someone with Alzheimer's or senile dementia. While we probably can't prevent it, there may well be things we can do to mitigate it. And that thought makes my Halloween tale a little less chilling.

Of Desks, Nooks, and Crannies

My digital elph has officially come home to mama, and so (camera in hand) I give you......the rest of my "keepin' it real" story from Wednesday's "Gilding the Lily" post.

Okay gang, I promised you my desk, and here it is, messy as always;

but that's just the beginning of the story.

You see, I'm stashing various Christmas presents

in every nook and corner of my office.

And my office has a lot of nook and corners.

Even my chair has Christmas presents on it.

(The garbage bag, however, has clothes to be donated.)

And these aren't Christmas presents, either; this is church stuff:

some paper and a printer that I couldn't lift, so I hid it...Badly.

The dining room is another gift-staging area...among other things.

(The Christmas dishes happen to be a gift to myself.)

But these gifts really are for other people. Trust me.

And so are these...Honest.

I know, it's not ideal. But the closets are full, so I'm reduced to nooks and crannies for Christmas storage. And I think I'm just about to run out of room. The big question is this: Where am I going to hide all this stuff when the recipients come home for Thanksgiving?

The answer? In the attic. (Sssssh. Don't tell. It's a secret.)

Excuse the Mess!

Excuse the Mess

©1991 by Susan Noyes Anderson

Why does my mother have to say,

“Go clean your room?” It wrecks my day.

“Go clean your room!” she says to me.

“There’s clothes where carpet used to be,

and games and books on top of those,

and snacks starting to decompose!

Clean that room! Right now!! This minute!!!

(or you’ll spend the weekend in it.)”

“I’d love to clean my room!” I say.

“In fact, if I could have my way,

I’d clean Sunday through Saturday!

There’s just one problem; don’t you see?

Well, actually, there’s thirty-three”......

“my homework’s due i lost it too can’t find my book don’t wanna look my finger’s hurt i’m scared of dirt my lips look blue my tongue does too i stepped on gum i jammed my thumb the floor’s too low i stubbed my toe i broke my back the toe turned black i’m feeling bad my best friend’s mad my gun won’t squirt i stained my shirt my nail came off i have a cough it makes me choke i smell some smoke i think there’s bugs under my rugs i need a net my feet got wet my shoe’s unlaced i’m being chased i’ve got the giggles my eyebrow wiggles i have a sty my mouth feels dry i have a twitch that needs an itch i need to sneeze god bless me please”

“Uh-oh. I guess that’s thirty-four.

No wonder I can’t do that chore!”

"Excuse the mess" has been brought to you by the letter "E."

Click below to see more entertaining E entries.

Gilding the Lily

Jen, my buddy from Denton Sanitorium, has challenged every one of her readers to write a post today that shows the "real person" he or she is. I see the assignment as an invitation to sorta take the shine off the gilded lily, so to speak. Actually, I would be surprised if anyone who visits here regularly thinks this particular lily (me, in other words) is all that shiny, but if someone does...I thank you for overlooking the obvious.

Anyway, Jen isn't asking for deep, dark confessions (too bad, I think you would have been enthralled); she just wants a true-life picture of who we are when the blog isn't watching. Naturally, my first thought was that a few photos might be in order! I was going to start with a picture of my messy desk and go from there. Sadly, however, I cannot find my camera to save my life (or tell about my life, for that matter). As a matter of fact, I've spent most of the morning looking for it...which explains why I am so late posting today. I spent two hours looking for a camera when my plan was to get up early and de-clutter the house before my cleaners arrive. What's more, it's 10:08 right now, and I'm still sporting PJs. With the cleaning crew due at 11:30, I haven't even cleaned my teeth!

So far, then, I think we can conclude that I may be a bit disorganized at times (confession #1). By the way, if I'm going to do true confessions, I get to use all the euphemisms I want, okay? They make me feel better, and that's important when you're stripping the lily.

I blame Dave for the camera debacle, by the way. I usually do, when I can't find something of mine (confession #2). After all, it could never be that I have actually misplaced a thing myself, right? If I can't find it, my dear husband must have secreted it somewhere out of sight and mind. Of course, this time I am entirely justified in my belief. As it happens, Dave took both my Canon and my Flip to Tahoe with him when he went camping with the young adults from his congregation a couple of weeks ago, and he never gave them back. I'm sure of it (confession #3 - I always think I'm right). Or at least, I'm almost certain he never gave them back (confession #4 - my memory is terrible these days...which makes my 'always thinking I am right' a bit more ludicrous). The truth is that I like to think I am right, so I keep on doing it (despite recent and mounting evidence to the contrary). In fact, I've got a call in to the hubby right now to confirm my suspicions and establish the whereabouts of the camera and recorder he so obviously misplaced.

(Here's a funny thing. The big guy himself just called back to say that he DOES have them. Both of them, the Elph AND the Flip. They are in his car!!)

Did I say, "I told you so" to my beloved spouse? HA! Methinks you are going to be pleasantly surprised, my friends, because I did not! In fact, I was quite lovely about it. Gracious, even.

And there's a little more gild for my lily.

;)

No Place Like Grandma's!

Guess where this little mischief maker will be for Thanksgiving AND Christmas?

(Yep, that'd be Grandma's house!)

And he won't be coming alone, either!

This good-lookin' dude will be hangin' with the G'ma, too...

along with his lovely, feisty, and free-spirited sister.

(He's bringing himself along for the ride, as well.)

Yep, these two make cute kids!

(And that makes Grandma happy.)

beach photos by erintphotography

You Ain't Seen Nothin' Yet!

My husband is getting closer to that day when he will retire (not soon enough for me!), and sometimes we talk about what we might want to do with ourselves once that day finally comes. We come up with all kinds of ideas, but none quite so creative as the one pictured below.

I wish this video were bigger, but it does the job. Of course, if you put your cursor at the top of the black box, just below the word "Video" and click on "full screen," you'll be able to see it in super-size. Either way, this has to be one of the coolest things I've seen in awhile. What fun! =D

All Hallow's Eve

That's right! Saturday Centus is knocking at the door again, and this week Jenny's got Halloween in her sights (thanks to a little help from our friend, Anna). Having already added my 100 words to her prompt, which is in red, I offer the following itty bitty story for your perusal:

All Hallow’s Eve

The mood was electric as the little group hurried from door to door––five giggling ghouls, illuminated by a witch's moon.

"Trick or treat!" they shouted as the door opened..."

“Trick or treat? Sorry, kids; you’ve got it wrong. Halloween was Thursday.”

“Maybe you’ve got it wrong, lady,” said the ghost, leaning forward. “Here’s the thing. We have leftover tricks. Lots of ‘em.”

“We do,” hissed the grim reaper. “Hideous ones.”

The woman stared incredulously at the scary little gang on her doorstep.

“So, what’ll it be?” asked Frankenstein's bride.

A chilly gust of wind blew the door open as another victim made her way to the kitchen.

Do Thanksgiving and Pride Mix?

I just found out that two of my nephews will not be with us for Thanksgiving in November. Since this is the year we traditionally gather with our extended family, I'm disappointed that these two will be elsewhere. Of course, I realize that our children have become adults, and it will be increasingly difficult to count on every single family member every single time. Occasionally, other obligations will intervene, and that's what happened this year. The good news is that the reasons they can't be with us are good ones. In fact, the reasons are pretty cool.

Cool enough to brag about, even. (And you know how I LOVE to brag.)

The eldest of my sister's sons will be MIA at Thanksgiving because he will be on tour with Classixx. This dynamic duo just got back from Australia, and it looks like they will be on tour in Europe for much of November. Things are going great for them; that's for sure. They even have a new single out with Mayer Hawthorne, and it's featured in a Mazda commercial. (Royalties are a good thing.)

His younger brother will be spending the holiday at NYU film school, which is harder to get into than Fort Knox. I believe he was one of 7 selected to attend this year. Past graduates include Oliver Stone, M. Night Shyamalan, Joel Coen, Ang Lee, Spike Lee, and Martin Scorcese, to name a few. And here are a few of the movie shorts my nephew has made. (Can you guess which one won the Critic's Award for Best Achievement in Storytelling from Dartmouth University?) The answer is here.

Anyway, guys, we're all proud of your accomplishments. But we will most definitely be missing your presence (and appetites) at Thanksgiving! (No grapefruit stuff for YOU!!)

Dinosaur Ratings

©1991 by Susan Noyes Anderson

I like the brontosaurus

and tyrannosaurus rex.

The diplodocus thrills me;

eoraptors never vex.

A stegosaurus gets my vote,

edaphosaurus too.

Iguanodons and trachodons

could round out any zoo.

But when it comes to dinosaurs,

I have to make this call––

That purple one on TV

really drives me up the wall!

Bearing Fruit: The Giving Tree

One last apple on your apple tree...

Will you cling to it or set it free?

What are you doing with time's swift sands?

How will you hold them in your hands?

Givers know a secret: When life is through...

The fruit you bear and give away comes back to you.

First two photos by Carrie of Carrie's Busy Nothings

Text ©2010 Susan Noyes Anderson